Desert Bluffs
The week that never was

StrexCorp® has declared that today, August 16th, is the first real day since August 9th, and that the week that in between was just a mass fantasy induced by the fumes that sometimes escape from the Endless Abyss.

When questioned about why today’s date was not August 10th, the StrexCorp® board of directors replied with a deafening shriek, which has reportedly yet to stop.

Good morning Desert Bluffs,

Please don’t forget that the Sun is not in fact a star, but a light shining through a crack in the Veil.

Do not fret, however! Our friends over at Nike will fix the crack soon enough! Nike: we will take away your Sun and shroud you all in a thousand years of darkness.

Reminder #2

StrexCorp Synernists Incorporated® reminds you that tonight, you are required to have vivid dreams, as they will be harvesting them as a potential energy source. Anyone who will not have vivid dreams will have their electricity cut off for a month. They will then be locked into their house and be forced to face the creatures that occasionally crawl out of the Dead Wood, released directly from the StrexCorp Eldritch Vault®.

Reminder #1

The Desert Bluffs Department for Re-education (StrexCorp®) reminds you that if you’ve ever attended a class in history, geography, chemistry, biology, physics, or have knowledge of a foreign language, your attendance next week is mandatory.

Remember, there is no such thing as a different country, our bodies run on dreams, there is nothing beyond the Endless Abyss, and the “laws” of physics are lies.

Have a good day, Desert Bluffs!

Abyss update

Good afternoon Desert Bluffs! This is Kevin, bringing you all the news and good spirits for another gorgeous day in the Bluffs.

The shadowy and vague boundary between the post office and the Endless Abyss, which recently swallowed Tatiana the shop owner, has shifted back to its original location behind the postcard racks.

Since this was such a short announcement, I guess I will tell you something about myself, Desert Bluffs!

The teeth which stained the floor of my studio for so long have been cleaned away today by intern Vanessa. There were so many! You couldn’t even take a step without crushing some!

Unfortunately, Station Management has been acting up ever since she did it, and I spotted a few new teeth here and there already, so I’m sure we’ll be back to the regular state of affairs soon. Just like it should be. What was Vanessa thinking anyway? And why was I glad? I can’t for the life of me remember anymore.

Special offer on pizza

Tonight, Little Marco’s Pizza is offering a 100% discount on their pizzas for every anthropomorphic animal, eldritch monstrosity,  StrexCorp® employee, inhabitant of the Dead Wood, and citizen over the age of 600. 

Don’t forget, all ingredients used to make Little Marco pizzas are 100% artificial and produced by StrexCorp Synernists Incorporated®, and not one of those government-sponsored “farmers” or whatever they’re called. Thank the Ancient Ones that the last one of those was swept beyond the Veil by that tornado last year!

Enjoy your free pizza, and as always, have a great night, Desert Bluffs!

Special Announcement

Good evening Desert Bluffs! This is Kevin with a very special announcement.

Tatiana the shop owner was spotted passing by the post office yesterday night, when suddenly, the invisible border between the Endless Abyss and the postcard racks shifted, and seemed to swallow Tatiana whole!

But do not fret. She was spotted by another citizen appearing out of thin air in the middle of our local bloodstone circle. She was wearing an unusual dark cloak, and the citizen who spotted her caught just a quick glimpse of her face before she covered it with a hood, obscuring her features completely.

Then, just as suddenly, two more strange hooded figures appeared in the bloodstone circle, and grabbed Tatiana - or the figure who used to be Tatiana - under each arm, and escorted her down the old road that no one ever uses. Neither Tatiana nor any of the figures have been spotted since.

We will keep you updated. I hope you stay in good spirits, Desert Bluffs!

Plays: 70 plays

And now, here is Ted with the Weather. Good night Desert Bluffs.

Good night.

Water Park

The Mayor of Desert Bluffs would like to remind you that entering the adult swimming pool at the water park is strictly forbidden for anyone who does not wish to be savagely mauled by a gigantic Kraken from the dawn of time.

Summer Camp

Tonight is the first night of the Desert Bluffs Summer Camp. If you’ve signed up or were drafted, this is your last chance to say good bye to your loved ones. Then you will be picked up by StrexCorp® helicopters and taken to an undisclosed location until the 1st of September.

Previously unreleased information tells us that in the last week of Summer Camp, you will be processed, your memory will be wiped, you will receive complementary plastic surgery, and you will be implanted with each other’s identities. There will be no helicopters there to pick you up, and you will not be told where you are.

Those that successfully return to Desert Bluffs will be allowed to resume another citizen’s life. Good luck everyone!